Don't, And I Repeat, Don't Go In There!

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When your baby cries, especially a very young one, it's natural to rush over to her to see what she needs. This is generally a good thing, but when it comes to sleep, this can often backfire.

You see, not only do babies make all kinds of sounds during their sleep (some will even cry out for a moment--all while fast asleep!), but if left alone for a minute
to "fuss it out" they'll often fall right back asleep. And if it's at night, that means YOU will be able to go back to sleep too. Hallelujah.

Let's look at a couple common situations here. Let's start with the sleep noises. I learned a dear lesson about his one with my oldest son, Joshua. 

SLEEP NOISES

It's the middle of the night and Joshua wakes up once again to nurse. He's only a handful of weeks old, but by this time I'm too dirt tired to even see clear enough to read what time it is. All I see is some halo from the clock that makes me wonder if I'm being mocked about how much better heaven must feel than where I'm at right now. I feel utterly exhausted and, well, terrible (and depressed too, remember, that certainly didn't help anything). Little Joshua is sleeping in a bassinet right next to me and I've been up feeding him every time he makes a whimper since he was born. And a lot of the time this is happening on an hourly basis. I try to give him full feeds to help him sleep longer but I'm having no luck. Did I mention I was butt tired? Anyway, I can't remember where the thought came or if I read it somewhere, but I decided to stop responding to every little sound Joshua made. At first this was an attempt to have him be more wide awake when he fed so he wouldn't fall asleep after 20 seconds (which worked wonderfully by the way, and although I know it doesn't sound nice to leave a baby until a full cry at night before feeding, it has made the difference between a full and barely full belly for my babies at night). But I quickly learned that there was another big benefit too. Much of the time my little guy started to make noises (at which point I previously picked him up to feed him before he got upset) he'd fall right back asleep! So not only was he now sleeping longer because he had fuller feeds, but he was sleeping longer because I stopped waking him during his little sleep grunts and gurgles. He went from waking often hourly to sleeping at least 4 hours at a time. Yeah, it made that big of a difference for him.

Another common scenario is rushing in mid nap. Baby makes a little grunt or coo or cry and mommy rushes in to grab baby before he gets upset (or if you are sleeping next to him, you may end up nursing baby back to sleep when he was already asleep). Unfortunately, baby wasn't on the verge of getting upset, he was on the verge of getting some good sleep. WAS, as in past tense. Now he's wide awake and likely tired and cranky. Not exactly what you were hoping for. And the roughest thing is that all these little intrusions (particularly if you add a feed with each intrusion) can actually end up adding more natural/habitual wakings over time.

FUSS IT OUT

One of the main sleep tips you'll get from reading the popular book, Bringing up Bebe, is 'the pause'. What this means is that when you hear baby wake up, you pause and leave him for a few minutes to see if he'll go back to sleep. Not only are you making sure you don't rush to pick up your baby during sleep noises, but you are giving him a chance to settle back to sleep. If started early on many babies will surprisingly fall back asleep quite often (I'm talking after a short nap or short period of sleep at night--not after already sleeping 10 hours at like two weeks of age--he's not superman and all).

I know some of you don't feel comfortable leaving baby to cry even 15 seconds when he is a newborn, but for those of you who are fine taking a quick trip to the bathroom or running the trash out (it's nice to be sidetracked and all) when you hear baby's first noise, you'll often end up with a child that sleeps longer both day and night. If you find this never works for your baby or they do much better if you rush to them before they fully wake, you can try it again when they get older.

It's example time. This time I'll use the example of one of my sister's children. With my sister's first child she didn't like the idea of leaving him to fuss at all so she tried to help him fall asleep giving him as much help as needed. Unfortunately, this usually took 1-2 hours for each nap and resulted in a very short nap. Before long she started to get pretty exhausted. I suggested that maybe she leave her son for a couple minutes to settle after helping him get calm and sleepy in her arms. She decided this was worth a shot and to her surprise, he fell asleep after 2 minutes, and continued to fall asleep this quickly if not sooner from then on. Then came baby #2. My sister hesitated to let her fuss at all by herself but after starting to get so exhausted that she began passing out --I know, really sad:(  , she decided that she needed another strategy. Her daughter fell asleep even quicker than her sun, pretty much every single time. She also started to triple how long she was sleeping at night (without even any fussing then) in a few days time.

Not every outcome is going to be as sleep changing (and life changing if you are mommy or daddy!) as the examples above, but the fact is, not rushing in helps most babies get a little more shuteye. And that means it helps the rest of the family get a bit more sleep too. The trick is stop. think. and then act when you hear your child cry.  If nothing seems incredibly wrong, consider waiting a few seconds or even minutes if you feel that's the best option. It can make a world of difference with sleep--and it's about as easy as it gets when it comes to helping a baby sleep longer.

I'd love to hear what experience you parents have had with 'not rushing in'.