Sleep Training - Choosing An Approach

There are so many sleep training methods out there and plenty of strong opinions regarding them. I remember reading a few different books when my oldest son was a newborn and feeling soooo overhwelmed after I was done. It seemed like everything I read was
contradicting, they often implied that if I didn't use their method I would have no success, and worse, if I used someone elses method I would, for one reason or another, be a bad parent. So what to do!

SLEEP PHILOSOPHY
First off, get an idea of what you feel will work for you, your baby and your family. Think of what you feel comfortable doing and not doing. This is a really important step. If you end up doing something that you don't feel comfortable with you will very possibly end up either not liking yourself for doing it or end up giving up part way through the process. We don't want either of these situations. It is important that you make your own philosophy of sleep and sleep training (and parenting in general) that fits you. Not your neighbor, not your mother and certainly not a random person from a book or a website. You know what is best for you and your family.

This is by far the hardest step for me. It is something I am constantly thinking over. It has even changed a bit with my new baby. It may change over time with you. Don't underestimate the importance of this step.

I'm going to throw in two thoughts here that I find important. 1) The right way to have your children sleep and teach them to sleep depends on you, your child and the rest of your family. It is important that everyone I just mentioned is included, and that everyone I didn't mention isn't included. So, if your husband doesn't believe in CIO (cry it out) then you should probably think about exploring other options. Or if you don't believe children belong in the parent's bed but your husband does, you need to figure out a compromise for that too. 2) Whatever method you choose, make sure you allow your child to get adequate sleep (and hopefully you too). This is the end goal. If something you are doing is not letting this happen, some re-evaluation is in order.

IGNORE THOSE ONLOOKERS!
Second, forget about what all those other people are saying. Block those voices (especially the ones that keep making you feel guilty!) out of your head. You are not a bad parent to want your child to sleep well. It is for the good of your child's health as well as yours. Remember, healthy sleep is important just like healthy food is important (see Benefits of Adequate Sleep). Say "No!" to junk sleep!

EDUCATE YOURSELF
Next, educate yourself. I know this sounds clique, but education is power! The trick is to first figure out what your general philosphy is and then take bits and pieces from the books you read and people you talk to that fit this philosophy. If you don't start off with a general idea of what you want to do and what you feel good about doing you will be overwhelmed by all the information out there and end up going in circles. I'm saying this from experience :)  You need to have an idea of what you feel good about doing and then build upon that idea with all the new information you find. Don't be afraid to let your philosophy change, but also don't let it be so weak that you end up more confused than you were before you started educating yourself.

Let's look at some of the common sleep training approaches out there. I'm going to mention the most common sleep training approaches here real quickly: Non-CIo/Gentle Approaches and CIO (cry it out).  Let's go over some reasons you may choose either.

Non-CIO/Gentle Approaches/Middle Ground Approaches

• you have a young baby
• you don't feel comfortable with letting your child cry with or without you
• You are trying to prevent sleep problems from happening (Important in my opinion)
• your child has mild sleep problems
• You cannot do CIO methods for health reasons (throwing up, bad reflux etc)

CIO

• You feel comforable with this
• Your child has severe sleep problems
• You want faster results (not always the case but from what I've seen, it usually is)
• You don't have the patience for non-cio techniques

I'm not going to go into the different sleep training approaches any more than that on this post. You can find more information about these in the in the Sleep Training Index and the post where I define (and link to) different sleep training methods. You can also find different approaches organized by book/expert in this post.

CHOOSE YOUR APPROACH
Lastly, choose your approach. Don't be afraid to change things around if you feel like what you are doing isn't right for you. At the same time, try hard not to jump from one thing to another.  Give baby a chance to get used to what you are doing. Consistency, when possible, is key. It is important to remember that whatever method you choose it will most likely be HARD to do. Do not confuse HARD to do with the WRONG thing to do.