While your instinct as a mom is certainly a great guide, sometimes things like books or friends can give you information to help you get through tough situations. I feel the combination of these things, the reading of your baby's cues, as well as other knowledge you have gained throughout the years, helps you make the
best decisions about what you should be doing.
There are a lot of books out there with loads of information that often end up contradicting each other. So what do you believe? Does anyone even really know what they're talking about? Well yes, and no. While some people have definitely had a lot of experience with sleep and babies, I don't think you can say that anyone really knows the best way to go about things. Sure, they may have some good advice but who knows if it will work out for you and your baby. Just remember, there is not a book out there is for all babies and for all situations. It's just not possible. I think the best way of going about this is to listen to your instincts and take what information sounds right to you and leave the rest.
As a new parent, or even an experienced parent, you can get a little paranoid and stressed over doing everything perfectly "by the book". Sleep deprivation and so many new changes to your life can do that to you. I just want to give you a warning to not rely upon books or others opinions too heavily. As stated in this post title, they are not bibles (if you even believe in the bible, either way, I think you get my point) and you should not get too worried over following everything everyone says perfectly, especially since people often say contradictory things. You will not "ruin" your child if they are not raised perfectly "by the book"...whatever book that may be. Just take a step back, take a deep breath, and try to relax. Use books and other sources of advice as tools in your parenting, not as strict directions that will result in a correctly finished product only if they are followed perfectly.
One more word on intuition. I have talked with some people that are very anti baby books. They think that mothering should be done purely by intuition. While I think some people can do a pretty good job with just following their intuition, some people can defiantly use a little help every now and again. Just like with all things in our life, we figure out much of it on our own and get help every now and again to achieve the best outcome.
best decisions about what you should be doing.
There are a lot of books out there with loads of information that often end up contradicting each other. So what do you believe? Does anyone even really know what they're talking about? Well yes, and no. While some people have definitely had a lot of experience with sleep and babies, I don't think you can say that anyone really knows the best way to go about things. Sure, they may have some good advice but who knows if it will work out for you and your baby. Just remember, there is not a book out there is for all babies and for all situations. It's just not possible. I think the best way of going about this is to listen to your instincts and take what information sounds right to you and leave the rest.
As a new parent, or even an experienced parent, you can get a little paranoid and stressed over doing everything perfectly "by the book". Sleep deprivation and so many new changes to your life can do that to you. I just want to give you a warning to not rely upon books or others opinions too heavily. As stated in this post title, they are not bibles (if you even believe in the bible, either way, I think you get my point) and you should not get too worried over following everything everyone says perfectly, especially since people often say contradictory things. You will not "ruin" your child if they are not raised perfectly "by the book"...whatever book that may be. Just take a step back, take a deep breath, and try to relax. Use books and other sources of advice as tools in your parenting, not as strict directions that will result in a correctly finished product only if they are followed perfectly.
One more word on intuition. I have talked with some people that are very anti baby books. They think that mothering should be done purely by intuition. While I think some people can do a pretty good job with just following their intuition, some people can defiantly use a little help every now and again. Just like with all things in our life, we figure out much of it on our own and get help every now and again to achieve the best outcome.
Thanks again for this blog! I was driving myself crazy by trying to hard to follow one book after another when one by one, NONE of them seemed to be a good fit for MY baby. I tried everything, every technique, and my baby is only 4 months old (I know that is too young to force her into sleep training but I thought I HAD to get her on a schedule or bad habits would be formed... this is what THEY tell you so you believe it)! I had sleep deprivation and I was having a hard time enjoying my baby.... that was so sad because while SHE was the one waking me up every 1.5 hours, it really was not her fault, precious little girl. The experts' recommendations made logical sense to me in so many ways but I realize now that I was trying too hard to mold my baby into what these babies in their books are doing. When I finally shut the books, quit reading and quit listening to people, I relaxed a little. I sat back and watched my baby.... I saw her trying to set her own pattern. I quit fighting with her to go to sleep early when I thought I first saw the sleepy cues. My husband and I decided to let her stay up late. This time there were no fights or struggles and she feel asleep beautifully at 9pm. And for the first time EVER, she woke only once at night (2am) and slept more peacefully than ever, and woke with a smile on her face as she always does. The next night she did the same thing. I don't know if it will continue but for two nights at least the three of us got some sleep and we are completely happy again.
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ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you were able to take a step back and look at what would be the best thing to do in your situation. Being a parent can be so hard, especially when you are trying to do everything just right! It's great you have been able to find out what works for you and your baby and that you are enjoying things more. Just keep doing what you are doing (seeing what works best for you and baby) and try not to get discouraged when you have some bad days and nights, bc those will surely come. I love many of the parenting books out there, but like you have found, they do not all work for every parent/child combination.
I have a 17week old (age adjusted 12wks). She won't go to bed before midnight and would sleep in to 10am if we let her. Unfortunately I go back to work soon so we are getting up at 7am. She will take a long morning nap around 8am ~2hrs but then the rest of the day is very sporadic. We try to watch for sleep signs after 1.5-2hrs but even if she is clearly tired she won't sleep for more then 30-45 min. How do I get a consistent afternoon nap and nice her bedtime forward?
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